Honesty vs. Loyalty

A friend and I decided to blog about the difference between being honest or loyal, and if the two go hand-in-hand. The question is: "Is it more important to be honest or loyal?" My answer: honest.

To me, there is a big difference between the definitions and the ways the two traits play out in every day life and relationships. The definition of "honest" is "truthfulness", or "telling the truth", and the definition of "loyal" is "faithful to a person", or "unwavering devotion to a loved one". While yes, you need to stick by your one and only true love in order to be considered "loyal" in your relationship, however, if you are unloyal for whatever reason, there is still an opportunity to be honest--by telling your partner your mistake.

Take polygamous individuals, for example the hit T.V. sensation Sister Wives. Assuming this is reality in many families across planet earth, they have developed a sense of loyalty that works for them. The most commonly used definition of "loyalty" among my generation means "not cheating" or "not trying to be with others", which is quite different in polygamous relationships, to say the least. Their sense of loyalty is making sure they keep the others informed, engaged, and check-in if they might be welcoming another wife or husband into the family. It isn't even considered "cheating" to them.

In my experience, too lengthy to cover in a single blog post, I have been hurt because of dishonesty in a relationship, far more than the possible disloyalty that might have occurred. I have had partners lie to me without cheating as well, as far as putting my physical well-being in jeopardy because their selfish conscience could not give me a bit of mercy. I have to say, the one time I was cheated on and my partner lied, the lie was what stung my fragile heart the most, not the actual act of infidelity. If you are well informed with biology and the facts of reproduction in the human species, you would know that males, and even females, are programmed to mate, and in fact, to cheat! Our society has shunned cheaters, "players", and the like, when really, it all comes down to science.

Taking the scientific viewpoint: males and females are going to cheat, no matter what their partner threatens them with or prays for. Cheating is a way of life, unfortunately, for many people. Now, don't get me wrong--I'm not supporting disloyal individuals, but I have had enough experience in my young life to understand that there is no possible way to prevent your partner from infidelity. Some uneducated people think if they offer their partner more sex, or "take the heat" within an argument, it will make their partner want to stay around. The honest truth is: they have to want to be faithful to you, and engaged in the relationship/agree to fidelity in order to have a healthy, successful bond with you.

All I know, is that if my partner cheated tomorrow, I would want him to calmly and lovingly sit me down and confide in me that he made a mistake, and even if that action was not a mistake in his mind, that he was sorry, and that he had to leave me. My relationship is better than it ever was, due to our honest and compassionate attitudes towards one another. Yes, we have loyalty, too, but didn't always. Once my partner figured out that I wouldn't be furious with him if he made a mistake, he was able to let his guard down and tell me the truth. You have to give your partner space to do what they would like to do, and accept that they will be attracted to other individuals, even if they do not act on this attraction. That is the biology of life, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You wouldn't stop gravity, now would you?