I have somewhat reflected upon the topic of myself being of Hispanic heritage, or "another race" aside from Caucasian, but I wanted to make this message clear to any teenagers that could be reading this blog:

Whatever you are... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

My story is one, I am sure, like many others. My birth mother's father was a bigot--there is absolutely no other way to explain his hatred towards darker skinned races.

During the adoption process, my birth father, who is a Mexican, got cast out of our family story, with death threats and many personal judgments based upon preconceived stereotypes. He was taken from me.

Today, I received my first ever letter from my birth father. He was loving, articulate, kind, educated, and nothing like the Mexican stereotypes that we have in America.

Fortunately, against what my birth grandfather wished upon me, during my childhood I was raised to be educated and aware of the fact I was of Hispanic descent.

I have been appreciative and proud of my Hispanic heritage since the day I discovered it. I am currently learning Spanish from a private tutor along with high school courses and took numerous educational, Spanish-centered programs over the course of my young life. I enjoy learning a new word and seeing how my body and face changes with my deep-rooted blood ties to Mexico. I am a curvy, petite gal that has crazy thick hair and thick thighs. And even though I can't stand mildly hot salsa, I am a Mexican, and I am a proud Mexican.

This summer was A-W-E-S-O-M-E! It flawlessly erased any fear I had about it becoming dull and/or going by too quickly. I decided to make it worth while and create really fun trip ideas for my family and partner Mark, as simple as they may sound to travel-adoring people.

(1) I started the summer off with Mark's high school graduation party. This is a photo of him helping set up balloons and other decorations. His grandmother and I organized the main idea, guest list and details, with tons of family helping us. I bought him a bunch of nice, small gifts, and his friends and family pitched in a lot. He says he enjoyed this day, and I truly hope it becomes a memory for a lifetime!

(2) Another thing Mark adores doing is amateur radio, so, I sucked up my boredom and put on my invisible "Super Girlfriend" disguise, spending 24 hours with him at his Field Day event. Field Day is a 24 hour competition on the same day, all over the world, in which amateur radio-ers, or "HAMs" try to make the most contacts within that period of time. I didn't get the hype, but I spent a good amount of time reading HAM Radio for Dummies. As you can tell from the photo above, we ended up sleeping in the car.

(3) Next, an event I absolutely had to attend and give my volunteer time to--one of the only days you can find me embracing the downtown area. Our local PFLAG chapter tabled at our city's annual pride parade and celebration for LGBTQ education and awareness. I am very passionate about gay rights, especially in our town, which fortunately is one of the most accepting and safe places to be a LGBTQ. Mark joined us and enjoyed the event, snapping away to capture photographic memories of the event.

(4). Portland, Oregon 3-day vacation with Mom and Mark. A lot of great memories were formed on this trip, and a lot of realizations were understood. I came to the conclusion: "I lead a very unconventional life, and yea, most people won't get that!" You would've thought that was an easy realization. Adding on to our trio's second annual trip, we visited OMSI again, saw the authentic Lan Su Chinese Garden and dined in their tea house, ate sweets at VooDoo Doughnuts, explored China Town, doughed out at Powell's Books, saw a flick, did plenty of shopping and subway hopping (see: this blog post).

(5). An event that never fails to please my family: a Mariner's baseball game! In mid-summer, the folks took Mark and I out to the ball game as we indulged in their trademark garlic fries and crackerjacks. Of course, like every year, we picked food up from Panera on our way to the light rail station!

(6). After my grandmother had passed, the family took a trip up to the town she lived in called Lincoln City, in Oregon. Lincoln City is known for its beaches and antique/knick-knack shopping, among other sorts such as gambling and family vacations. All four of us helped move her stuff and enjoyed a nice rental house on the beach.

(7). Celebrating 1.5 years of a family of five (I like to consider Mark welcome in and as our family), we enjoyed a camping trip at Illahee State Park. While visiting that area, I met up with the lovely woman that helped finalize my adoption to my parents, to say hello and catch up after all these years. The trip was a success, and learning how to cook gourmet camp food was even better! (see: this blog post).

(8). Fun for all, pets and their owners, is our annual Labor Day birthday party for dog Tess. We throw a bash that involves a 7 foot tall table of human food and treat bags for the dogs (get the pun?). Tess enjoyed turning the big 1-0 and I loved seeing family friends (see: this blog post).

(9). Friday Harbor, Washington is the main vacation the family went on this summer, which included tons of town exploring, ice cream devouring, sea food crunching and lavender farm hunting. I adore family time on the San Juan Islands. Great vacation spot for nature lovers and honeymooning couples (see: this blog post).

(10). A day trip to Seattle, Washington with Dad and Mark. Mark being able to get to know each of my parents is a big priority for me, so any time we can spend together with them individually is great. This was the day we all got a tour of the KOMO4 News building and got to meet some of their anchors, thanks to Mark's aunt, an employee there. Walking around the city and popping in a market called Piroshky, Piroshky (Russian savories and sweets) was our newer experience in Seattle (see: this blog post)!

Summer 2011 brought me a lot of wisdom and happiness, regardless of the bouts of drama and tifts along the way. I am SO blessed for the wonderful experiences and people I have been given in this lifetime, with a whole lot more to come.

About four years back, I had a very flawed impression of what a teenage girl and her relationship with her mom should be like. Taking a lot of inspiration from the relationship between champion figure skater Ekaterina Gordeeva and daughter, Daria, this concept of "best friends" really shaped my image of what "should be"--a laughing, happy, inseparable bond between a mother and a daughter.

Now, of course, my mother is NOT Ekaterina Gordeeva! She is quiet, reserved and not one to enjoy the spotlight. Talking to my mom is not always easy, presumably because she is a heavy and much longer book to read, while I am a thin paperback, blowing in the breeze for all to skim. When I was younger, I began to think my mom was hiding a big secret from me that she did not want to talk about, and that was why we weren't communicating smoothly. As I grew older, I learned that there was in fact no secret at all--she was merely keeping the correct amount of distance from me, her teenage daughter, not her tell-all best friend.

For some abnormal reason, perhaps this does work for Ekaterina and Daria, but personally, I see many flaws in the functionality of "best friend" mother-daughter duos, such as too close of a bond to the point of the daughter feeling overly free to express herself, with a lack of discipline on the mother's part. I know one young woman who can openly share alcoholic drinks with her mother until they're drunk-and yes, she is underage. Perhaps some of it has to do with the fact that these mothers and daughters are a very slight age difference apart, and my mom and I share an over 40-year age difference. Would it have been different with my birth mother? Probably, and it is these days.

I'm not here to criticize others' parenting choices, per se, but merely share the tips that worked best for me to develop a healthy self image in today's society and what I aspire to do for my children someday. Having my mom there to share secrets with and confide in was great, but having a boundary when situations were too personal for sharing was even better. Now, my mom and I pursue our own lives away from each other, hold individual passions, but still bond over our root pleasures such as figure skating (and Ekaterina Gordeeva), The Beatles, scrapbooking and other arts and crafts, baking, Tom Hanks and Steve Martin movies, and a heck of a lot more.

My mom isn't the best friend that I talked about sex, kissing, boys, drugs, reality TV shows, and Facebook with, she is the mentor that I asked, and still do ask questions regarding advice with sex, kissing, boys, drugs, reality TV shows, and even Facebook to. I learn from my mom, and am O.K. with saying: "I am not my mom, nor her generation."

 
My pup's 10th birthday was nearing when I realized something astonishing: in the past year of blogging regularly, my blog readers have never been "formally" introduced to my black Labrador Retriever, Tess.

So, I thought I should make a blog post. The photo above is Tess. She is a very lively dog for her age and adores being around her doggie friends. Much like her human sister (me) when she was little, she eats anything, including rocks.

I was 7 when my family adopted Tess from a private owner in Woodinville, Washington. It was an extremely long drive that had us exhausted, but so very worth it when we received our very own puppy.

You might ask, how did we know which puppy to choose from out of the liter? Of course these puppies were all black Labs, but only one stood out to us as my dad knelt down to pet it--this one was our Tess, who had jumped into my dad's arms and started wagging her puppy tail.

At the time, I had a babysitter named Tess, who turned out to be my teacher's daughter (another story for a different day). I adored this human Tess and thought she brought over the yummiest soup on the planet. Therefore, in my all-wise 7 year old mind, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to name my pet after my funny babysitter. Tess, or "Tessie" as I call her, has remained my favorite pet and changed my life in substantial ways.

August 26th marked her 10th birthday, and yesterday we enjoyed our annual "dog party" for her with 8 or 9 of her best friends.

This is our friend Ivan. Believe me, he NEVER gets a break from those dogs. I am grateful to him and our other human friends that make time on Labor Day for our pup party.

A couple tips for hosting your own dog party:

• First and foremost: have it outside in a wide open space so the pals can roam free without feeing claustrophobic.
• Get or create a table for the human food, at least 6-7 feet tall, and make sure to set up a bee trap nearby in case the pesky yellow jackets pay a visit.
• Create little party favor "treat bags" (get the pun?) for the doggie guests, and keep them inside until the party's over.
• Make sure to set out enough chairs for all your human guests and set out big buckets filled with water for the canine buddies.
• Last but not least: don't forget an endless supply of treats, or you won't have happy campers!

If you haven't read Part One of this two-part post, please do not continue. I must release that I have permission when writing this post to disclose personal information about my partner and I's pasts.

I thought, another faux paus I should talk about that has been causing the most obvious roadblock for myself and my intimate relationship is the fact that I live such a different lifestyle than Mark's immediate family (who, I am blessed to have a healthy relationship with).

Both of our parents' parenting styles are looked down upon from different groups of people. Which you may choose to look down upon, reader, I don't know. I think both sets of parents have their curses and blessings, and both have done right for their own children. I'm here to bring criticism and gratitude to the surface, to sum up an issue affecting my life, advocating for close relationships between parents and their teens.

My parents have a very alternative way of parenting, not the norm you find in most Southern states and traditional, religious family backgrounds. For me, this worked. It certainly will not work for every kid, that's why I call it The Kathryn Parenting Style. My parents have techniques fully built upon the trust within our relationship. If I screwed up, I got a punishment (no TV for a few weeks, no sweets, no "playdates" with friends, etc). If I didn't listen or didn't do what I promised I would, I would be scolded. I was given a very large amount of freedom as soon as I hit my pre-teen years. Of course, at that point I couldn't have the boys I liked over, but I could go to stores alone and buy my own things--I was trusted to buy appropriate clothing, which taught me how to. I was taught how to get groceries as soon as I got a car (another way of them celebrating my freedom), giving me money management techniques, while still having my financial portion of life taken care of and provided for until I can find a steady job in College, due to this ever-changing American economy.

Mark's parents have a pretty traditional way of parenting, with a few better alterations to make their rules more modern. They like to set boundaries about the littler things before testing the waters, which I must admit, is the type of parent I may very well become in my future. Now, I'm no parent, but with my education in Soc and Psych, when I see a parent so worried about something that they can't explain their reasoning properly, it sends off a red flag in my mind that maybe they have a lowered trust level with this child and can't give them the freedom, because the parents feel they don't deserve it. This is the case with Mark, whether it's obvious or subconscious. He went through a rebellious phase, met all the wrong people and made some pretty bad choices. As for the financial aspect, Mark has had to work, as he says: "for every dime I've ever made". Of course, his parents provide food and shelter for him, and love, but not the extra things. This taught Mark the value of money early on. A positive difference between my parents and his.

I am talking so intimately about this matter, to the level that some might call intrusive, because my voice cares to make a difference in the lives of teenagers and parents. I feel this parenting situation in particular is something so common in our society and shouldn't be: The Age Factor. My parents never saw age, they saw how much they could believe me. Of course, they listened to the law and didn't let me get into trouble, but they set limits based upon my dignity and trustworthiness. Like I explained, this only works for Kathryn, because she has been so dormant regarding rebellion all her life--personal life choice. Mark's parents also never saw age, in the opposite way. No matter how many years progressed, Mark didn't get the free experiences I have been able to capture while I was younger. I've been with Mark for nearly 2 years now, known him for 11, and have always seen him moreso sheltered than myself, which again, isn't necessarily a bad thing, and Mark doesn't fret about it--it has merely affected both our lives since we began dating.

Here's an example of what I mean... Mark and I tried hard to pitch the idea of a 48 hour trip to Port Townsend, Washington, one of the days sleeping in lodging alone without parents, getting picked up the next morning. Keep in mind, Mark and I both don't engage in unprotected sex, drinking or drug usage, and both sets of our parents are aware of that. His parents declined the idea without much of an explanation, which I'm not going to beat to the ground, because I respect that was their choice. My parents liked the idea. They looked at it as a way for us young adults to be out on our own, living life and learning how to get our own groceries, transportation, setting boundaries in every-day life situations. Maybe Mark's parents weren't raised in such a way of having extreme freedom. My mom, on the other hand, experienced more freedom than any of us. Her mom, my grandmother, let her go to Scotland right out of high school with her partner. I know what you're thinking--she probably came back with police escort, or #3 on the way, right? Wrong. She learned how to manage herself in society and loved learning about her family's rich history. Put this into perspective: Mark and I were asking for a 2 day trip, not a 20 day trip.

Either way the cards decided to be dealt, what I couldn't seem get over was why Mark had less freedom than I did, when he was of legal age in the U.S. to do whatever the heck he wanted to without his parents' consent. Then, the thought struck me: until he moves out, and has his own steady job, his parents will set their own rules. I never realized that this entire time, my parents weren't just throwing around freedom without setting boundaries--they were looking in my best interest and well-being. They are two of the rare parents that are so in-tune with what their child needs, that they found a path that best works for their child. One day, Mark will look back while sorting through the goods and the bads within his childhood, and thank his parents for raising him the way they have. For whatever reasons they have behind their restrictions, I know the intention is a positive one. One I may never work with or understand, but will accept and learn to admire.

Mark has this tolerable personality, you see, one that makes it easier on his parents to get what they want from him. Yes, I am chuckling as I type this post. He lacks a strong backbone, has an automatic selflessness nature and wants everyone to be as happy as they can be, and is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for theirs (a trait at least one of his parents shares very strongly). A lot of my parents' guidelines stemmed from my personality and theirs growing up as well--freedom-thirsty, independent, blunt, and intolerant. While I physically rebelled the least, I emotionally rebelled the most. To this day, I am not pregnant, have not engaged in unprotected sex, have not taken a beer at a party, nor a cigarette, and am happy without touching an illegal substance. To this day, Mark is not engaging in any of the above, and supports me in my pure choices, making them his own. We have both changed a lot for each other, for the better. I love our parents for making us who we are--the two kids that fit so darn well together, regardless of their opposites.

I mentioned I had a very intricate relationship before, didn't I? The guy is Mark. You remember, the sweet man who swept me off my feet and made me an honest woman, whatever that may mean. Relationships are never peaches and cream, and I wanted to share my biggest relationship faux paus from an objective point of view--I want younger people to take from this post a little bit of inspiration to embrace their own relationship's pitfalls.

When I write this post, you must understand that I mean no hurt feelings; I'm purely stating facts and feelings from my perspective. I do not feel it is acceptable to write a lifestyle, "inspirational" young blog without releasing every detail about your life that is socially accepted or that you feel comfortable with. The situations I am about to discuss have been serious roadblocks in my life for quite some time, and I feel it is okay to come clean to my loyal blog readers, family and friends. I'm coming out of the relationship baggage closet, per se, and throwing out all my old, kept secrets (or ripped up/torn clothing, you could also say) along with this change. This is not a debate post or a call for action--this is merely therapeutic release to put my worries at ease and start a new chapter in this great big book called Life, pushing these long-kept conflicts off the pages.

Ever since I began to hold a intimate relationship with my sweetheart, a portion of his family began to dig nasty vibes in my direction, or at least from what I could tell. I heard quite a decent amount of gossip that they had nothing but negative connotations to make in regards to who I was or how our relationship apparently panned out on numerous occasions, never getting a straight answer when I would politely inquire about the matter. Whether this happens to be true or not, I can feel the tension in the air when I'm around them, and to be quite honest: it makes me queasy.

How can people who barely know you make such harsh judgment about you from the get-go, or exclude you from certain social events? I don't know, and maybe never will. All I know is that my sweetheart and I are the best thing to have ever happened to each of our lives. I have held him when he had a bad day, let him cry on my shoulder about bigger things and laugh on my tummy about littler things. I have seen him angry, sad, gleeful, hopeful, and extremely confused. We have been through any personal pitfall you could imagine, and it has made us the strongest couple we can be at this moment. We wasted no memory and no new experiences.

This makes me think about the morale codes that different people hold in this world about boundaries, regardless of the color of their skin or the country they were raised in. My morale within relationships is this: regardless if you are family or family-friend, you are to be included in family gatherings (to an extent) and accepted, even if not liked or adorned. If there is a wedding party or baby shower, and you know there may be a "plus 1" after 6 months of a relationship, you make the seating work. Fellow humans are everything to me and I certainly won't exclude them from my heart and soul without a fair chance. At my wedding party, and baby shower, I will make the new teenager that has just met and formed something special with my family member feel welcome. That's the kind of gal I am--welcoming and sincere, no matter your background or burden.

Speaking generally, and in context: What possesses some people to be so close-minded and unable to accept change? People are going to live their lives and make a personal choice to love who they love, and life will continue on, no matter what you have to say about it. Why can't we all be loving, embracing, strengthening, and healing to other, equally weak human beings? Why can't they come to social dinners or informal parties? We don't need to count them as family, or even as a friend--just human. We don't need to wave hello, or even smile. Just include them and make them feel as if they matter, even if our personal agendas skip a beat. Reach out a hand in their time of trouble and rejoice in their happiness--don't attempt to destroy it or dabble in it providing your "two cents". It just is. Once you learn to accept, you learn to forgive what you cannot change.

This is my belief. I am curious about yours. Maybe you could shed some light on to something I am perhaps missing, coming from my point of view and background. God loves each and every one, even those I cannot seem to understand. From that stems my peace. "The hard part is that we often need to let go over and over again. It isn’t like pulling off a band-aid. Old wounds have a way of resurfacing as we stumble, learn, and grow. This doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human. Today if you find yourself clinging to a painful memory, ask yourself: How can I focus on healing in the present, instead of living in the past?" ~ www.tinybuddha.com

This is a add-on post from “Mother, Father, Mom, Dad”.

My high hopes for communicating with my birth mother went down the drain, it seems, as she continued on telling me the complicated stories of her journey to keep me close to her and escape from her abusive father, who seemingly forced my adoption upon her, even when I requested that we please move on and that the past was the past. I kept getting mixed stories from others, contradicting things she said herself, while she didn’t let up. It was, so-and-so this, and, so-and-so that, never giving me the chance to express how this roller coaster ride was making ME feel.

I created countless videos, pouring my life’s story out to her (a very hard thing for an adopted individual to do, I might add), attempting to make some sort of connection. Even a montage in honor of the feelings I held for her, and a video of myself reading a poem to her children, one I meant to read to my future child. Yet, she neglected to watch them until people pressured her to. To this day, I don’t know if she’s seen the heartfelt montage, or the poem, or even the rest of my story. I give her the benefit of the doubt, dealing with so much emotions and hard aftermath of finally hearing from her daughter of 17 years, so this isn’t my biggest worry. From my interpretation, she felt my parents were a simple addition on my life’s legacy, and that she deserved much more credit than I believe (and I say I believe very strongly) she should be allowed.

So, here’s the credit I am willing to give: Yes, mother, you gave birth to me. You endured hours of incredible pain, and the aftermath of your jiggly belly fat and getting back into shape. Yes, you held me and cared for me when supplies were scarce and at a loss, after your abusive father neglected to care for either one of us that well. Yes, you did have to endure the hateful remarks of your father’s racial beliefs, and rebuild your life after he forced you into adoption. But, I know inside you knew that was what was best for me. Your little baby, looking up at you with her big brown eyes, wondering if she would ever receive a innocent life, away from this abuse. She did, and it is her mom and dad by law that raised her, cried with her, shared the joyous moments with her, and boy did they so deserve a child of their own. You should be extremely grateful.

But, she seemingly isn’t, and contradicts my parents’ parenting, when she hasn’t seen even half of the videos I sent her explaining how much they had been there for me. It’s like I wasn’t even heard out. No parent is perfect, and by all means, she should understand that from having to raise five kids herself, and what she had to endure as a child. Would she rather I was spanked, even worse: beaten, every day? Would she rather I have endured the trauma she had as a young woman? I doubt it. But, it still seems like she wishes negativity upon my life, when in her heart she means good.

Apparently I’m a no-good teenager, trying to connect with the birth mother I never had a chance to know. And, apparently it’s off limits to ask her about her life and expect decent answers, and what can I do but respect that? I do assume I will stay in contact with my birth family, and relate to my aunt, grandmother, and would-be step father for days to come, but who really knows at this point. All I know is, she deserves someone to be on her side. I guess that myself wanting to know what was true from what was fake just wasn’t good enough. Not good enough that I dug out all the legal papers and tried to shed some light on what was buried in the past, the subject in which she seemed so intrigued to discuss. 

I showed active response in wanting to figure out who I was and where I came from, and, true, this entire encounter did just that. It made me realize how LUCKY I am to have the family I do. How lucky I am to have supportive and understanding Mom and Dad. How much material and emotional wealth they have shed upon me for 17 years, and how blessed I am from God to have that unconditional gift every day.

Either family would have been great in their own ways, but I do feel like this day sums up my long-held belief: Everything happens for a reason. As my biological grandmother says, I was supposed to be adopted, and was supposed to have these loving, active parents, or else I wouldn’t be who I am. Where I came from would have been answered from a relationship with my birth mom, but I already know who I am. I am a beautiful, yet flawed, young woman, enduring the road wherever it takes her. I may not know it all, or many of the details to life, even, but most women would love their daughter to hold such a strong sense of self, and maybe my birth mother appreciates it, but it’s not obvious on the surface quite yet.

I know numerous individuals who have grown up to write novels and autobiographical books about this sort of situation, and I may do just that in my later years, but I felt the need to share this piece of news with my real family here in Washington, my loyal readers and YouTube viewers from all over the world, who have all supported me with consistency and admiration for the work I do, both online and offline, regardless of how morally corrupt publishing this on the Internet may be (and no matter how short of a autobiography this is).

I understand my birth mother has access to this web page, and if she is reading, I just want to say: I love you. I love everything you provided for me, before and after we reconnected. Thank you for reconnecting me with my soul’s deepest needs and for reassuring that everything I have done to get to this point where I am today has been correct, with the guidance of God. We all make mistakes and we all say harsh things, but in case you didn’t know, I’m the type of person that no matter what, gives forgiveness out like lollipops—and sincerely. Maybe it’s a flaw, but it will let me move on from this hurtful, confusing experience with ease and reassurance that life is beautiful, and that God rewards those with good hearts. Thank you for that lesson, and I wish you luck, wealth and happiness until whenever we meet again. XOX

Well, boys and girls, a major change has occurred in my life this past week. For the first time in my entire young legacy, I have seeked my birth mother and biological family out like a bloodhound on the hunt, and succeeded!

I was a normal adopted individual, seeking answers from those who held them. I didn’t really know what I was coming for or how long I would stay, but then immediately I realized why I was there. I wasn’t really there to learn about my diverse family background or common diseases (although that would be helpful in the long-run). I was there to learn about where I came from. What was my biological mother like? Father? Their families? What did they struggle with and exceed in after I was gone?

In this process, I strengthened the bond between my biological grandmother and aunt, and formed a friendly relationship with my would-be step-dad. Discovered some nasty, troubling honest truths, and talked to my half sister for the first time. She said: “It’s just amazing, talking to you, my sister.” It is amazing. How a one day chance encounter on a White Pages .com ad, and a trip over to Facebook had changed my life forever. How I would have another family now; other lives that depend on me to stay alive and prosper.

Knowing that they always sang me a happy birthday and said prayers for me brightened my spirit and all high hopes I had for our family. Sure, my mom and dad are the ones here. Those who raised me and cared for me, cried with me and shared my laughter. Those who fed me, put a roof over my head and provided beyond enough material and inner wealth to make my heart soar. But, there is this family. The family that holds the key to my spiritual connections, blood history and personality preferences. I even share the same genetic disorders and a favorite movie with my birth mother. I also learned I have two more siblings that I never knew about - a girl, and a boy. I have a total of three sisters and two brothers. I’m the first, and the fourth girl in our family.

Will I seek out my birth father? Someday soon. I am interested in his life - what his children are like, what career he holds and what his inner hopes and dreams were for me. Of course, other unanswered honest truths will need to be answered, and the nitty gritty will need to set itself aside from love, but I am looking forward to it. Just one step at a time for now. One family at a time!

Last night, partner Mark, furry sister Tess, mom Peggy and dad Dave joined me for a stroll along the beach, and a (very lengthy) photoshoot!

Naturally, I also got some decent photos of myself, taken by my wonderful Mark.

Having my entire true family down with me at the beach is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

Last week, my sweetheart Mark graduated from high school. I cannot explain the glee inside of me and the happiness that came over me seeing him move his tassel and toss his cap. No matter how silly they may look in those caps, you cannot be more than proudly ecstatic for your graduate. He is mine.

I was flipping through a book with ideas for blog entries, and came across one I do quite like (a lot!)... form an interview with a best friend or partner that explains why you chose them to be in your life as they are. So, for this entry, I will pull out the best in my partner, Mark, and prove why I think he is the perfect man.

Me: What are the top three personality traits you pride yourself on having? How do they help you in every day life?
Mark: Friendly, patient and caring. They help me focus on my work and be more productive because I'm not worrying about drama, or other nonsensical people. Being patient and caring also helps me compromise with loved ones and people within my community.

Me: What is your aspired career path, and why?
Mark: Some sort of an electronics technician, but I would love to work with communications on water. Some sort of boating. I have a background in these things, and grew up around them. You could say I have electricity in my blood!

Me: What are the top three personality traits you look for in a partner? Why?
Mark: Caring, respectful and tolerant. I want someone who respects me for who I am and what I do, and even though they may not understand what I do or why I do it, they still support it.

Me: As a graduating high school student, what advice would you give to freshman just entering the 4 year experience?
Mark: Get the hard classes out of the way first and don't slack off or screw up! If you are a good student and work hard, your senior year will be very easy. If you have a chance, go to a tech or vocational school - easy credits in quick time, and good work experience for future careers. Don't give in to peer pressure, and be your own person. Only you know who you really are and what you believe, so don't let others try to influence you.

Me: Through the multiple hardships you've endured in your lifetime, what is the biggest piece of wisdom you will take?
Mark: Everyone copes at different times and different ways. No one can speed up the coping process, nor will it hit the person right away all the time. Life goes on - I know that's a cliche, but it does get better. Remember that yesterday is history and tomorrow is never promised.

Me: What is the drive behind you helping out your community in multiple examples of volunteer service?
Mark: I suppose I instilled the drive in myself, with support from my friends and family. I found the community service type that was right for me and I think that everyone throughout their life should do something to help out their community.

Me: Whether negative or positive experience, what is one lesson you have come to understand about parenting that you will instill in your future children?
Mark: To let them have freedom and not be an overly-controlling parent. It also needs to be a two-way street of communication, not just the parent telling the child what to do or how something will play out.

Me: Some find it hard to follow their own advice and wisdom. After a variety of hardships, how do you continue on, besides the wisdom you have learned?
Mark: I generally move slow, and take it one week at a time.

Me: What are some of your favorite hobbies?
Mark: Photography - I like to see what I can do with my camera and experiment with at least one new setting each time I shoot, or angle something differently. Amateur radio, because I enjoy building and seeing how things work, and meeting new people all over the world. Hiking - I enjoy being outdoors and observing nature.

Me: What are some of your pet peeves?
Mark: People that jaywalk, people that don't attempt to use correct spelling or grammar in text messages,  people that don't try in school, but still show up.

Me: Who are a few of your idols or role models? Why?
Mark: You! I wish I had you as an idol earlier on in high school so I could have seen how good of a student I could have been. It gives me something to work towards. You are honest and you speak your mind, which I have never been that great at. Bud - one of the owners of Buddipole atenna company. He shows a small dream that you start building in your garage can turn into a huge company. He is in his early 70s and still goes into his office and works. I also look up to my friend Tom; he is energetic and full of new ideas or projects to work on.

Ever since I was a young girl, my parents always had the most incredible parenting ethic. I was having a conversation earlier today about why parents sometimes set ridiculous rules and diminish their child's right to free speech--it seems I know too many of them. You know how they always say you should write up a list of things your parents did with you that you want to do with your children in the future?

Well, here are a few of mine:

1). I will always let my child have their own voice, question authority, and ask why something is the way it is in order for them to learn, discover, and explore with their own freedom and right to their own beliefs.

2. I will guide my child into holding steady morals and values, but let them have their freedom to decide what is right for themselves personally, and choose all the knitty-gritty details on their own. I will allow them to disagree with me, question me on my own beliefs, and form their own code of right-and-wrong.

3. I will try my best not to raise my voice, but be firm, steady, and hold a functional, concrete form of punishment and reminder. I will set limits, boundaries, but never lay a hand on my child, nor curse them. I will set the rules clearly, so they do not get confused.

4. When my child feels ready to gain a bit of their own freedom and gain their driver's license, etc, I will never shut their ideas down immediately, but reflect upon the maturity I had at their age and consider the possibility.

5. I will vocally and actively appreciate them, their talents, and their endeavors. I will never force or persuade them to stay in a hobby they do not enjoy/that is making them miserable. I will let them choose their own paths in life and pride them for knowing where it is they would like to journey to.

To the soon-to-be parents out there, the already-parents, and children who may have children in the future: the most important thing you can do is acknowledge your child's dreams, wishes, and VOICE. Let them speak up, defend their beliefs, and question the methods of majority. Regardless if you are a parent or not, we are all each others teachers, leaders, and guides on this great big path of life. Be kind to one another, and do not hold an ageist response to every little situation to present itself in conversation.

What are your top 5 traits and qualities you would like to instill in your parenting efforts just as your parent/s did? Email me and share ideas!

Yesterday, my mom and dad answered some tough questions to help me understand where they are coming from just a wee bit more. Here are my answers to the questions I was able to...

What tells you when a child is responsible enough to be trusted?
When they hold enough moral structure in their lives and are totally honest to their parents and peers.

What was the most often disagreement or argument topic between your mother and you growing up?
We disagreed on little things here and there, but mainly the typical kid-mom "I want this" - "You can't have that right now" thing.

What was the most often disagreement or argument topic between your father and you growing up?
Same as my mom, but we disagreed a lot on homework, because my dad homeschooled me for 7th and 8th grade. Try having your dad as a teacher--it is homework in itself!

Which was your most important intimate relationship in high school and why did it end?
As far as I can say right now, I have had two that really struck my heart. My first kiss and puppy love throughout my young years up until freshman year, and my first true love in 8th grade, who ended up cheating on me. That was the day I realized I could never settle for less, and growing into my teen years, I needed to find someone who was mature enough to feel real love. 

What kind of things get you the angriest and why?
I'm a generally irritable person, so anything to everything, and sometimes nothing. I strongly dislike it when partners claim they won't do something, but continue the behavior over and over again. I hate when people and partners lie, show false traits or act like something they are not, and when they just seem not to listen. The generation I have grown up within makes me the angriest, due to the lack of morals and maturity.

Who was your best friend in high school and what did they teach you?
I don't like to use the term "best friend" that much, really, but my partner Mark is my closest confidant, while being my boyfriend. We can tell each other everything, and he has taught me that it is O.K. to feel relaxed, calm, and centered within nature and the person you are with--that you don't always need to worry. Three of the other friends I have been fortunate to have kept close are named Ebony, Lene, and Amber. Ebony lives in Australia, and Lene lives in Belgium. Amber is my school buddy. They all never fail to make me laugh, cheer me up on a bad day, and have shared so many ups and downs with me. I wouldn't trade my friends for anything in the world.

Do you want a marriage like your parents?
Absolutely. I am trying my hardest not to give in to an early marriage, or at least not plan on one! I think marrying later in life, late 20s/early 30s, gives you a chance to explore what you really want, instead of being clueless and marrying spur-of-the-moment. However, sincere, mature dating so early might just end up being a successful bet in the long run for myself in particular. My parents model so much of what I hope to become.

Were you ever bullied or teased as a child? If so, for what reasons?
To be honest, I never figured out the reasons. Whether it was my appearance, or my apparent "unpleasant" antics, something made those cold-blooded kids snap. I was bullied left and right, up and down my entire childhood from 1st grade up to 6th, and to this day, some of those kids have not grown up, nor apologized.

What traits do you value the most in a woman/man? What traits don't you like?
Honesty, humor, trust, sentimentality, confidence, love and kindness, good listening skills, etc. I don't like arrogance, ignorance, immaturity, too much innocence, lack of back-bone, and shyer individuals, at least for partners of mine.

What traits do you hope your child finds for their own partner? What traits would you disapprove of?
 The exact same positive traits I listed above. I want them to find someone who is optimistic, as well. Any kind of abuse I would not tolerate, same with dishonesty and distrust.

What is your personal opinion on body art, such as tattoos? Classy or trashy?
I think they are very expressing and lovely, as long as you're not stupid about what design you pick. Pick something that is close to your heart and that you will not regret in the long run, and I call that extremely classy. If I was ever to get a tattoo, I would get a small "S" on my right shoulder in clean, cursive calligraphy.

Who was most strict growing up? Mom or dad?
Neither of my parents are "strict", per se, but both of my parents acted more strictly than each other at different times, in different situations. Because I was not raised in a policed, strict environment, I turned out quite all right!

Did you collect anything when you were younger? What?
Stamps, rocks, and seashells, from what I remember. Today, I just collect photos.

What did you want to be when you were in high school? Where did you come up with these ideas?
Right now, I am looking at some sort of business management/supervising, psychology and philosophy, historian, scientist, writer or journalist, or graphic/video/web designing. I am very in touch with who I am, what my weaknesses and strengths are, and how to use them efficiently. I came up with the ideas after years of discovering my inner callings and which career fields would suit my energy and spirit.

Today, I sat down individually and questioned my parents on the facts of life and their deepest opinions, to perhaps get some unanswered suspicions as to why I have become the person I am today!

What tells you when a child is responsible enough to be trusted?
Dad: I suppose when my child does what is expected and what they say they are going to do over a certain amount of time; trust builds. I trust my daughter, because she does what she says she is going to do, and doesn't lie.
Mom: When they don't do anything "outlandish" or dishonest.

What was the most often disagreement or argument topic between your mother and you growing up?
Dad: Probably homework.
Mom: She wanted me to talk more than I was open to, or I was a more reserved person than she was.

What was the most often disagreement or argument topic between your father and you growing up?
Dad: That was more about what he wanted me to do--he had some pretty unrealistic expectations of me, and he was a very quiet communicator so it was hard to know what he wanted all the time. I couldn't figure out what to do, so I couldn't make him happy.
Mom: The times I wanted to do things he wouldn't let me do.

Which was your most important intimate relationship in high school and why did it end?
Dad: There was this one girlfriend I had, in 10th grade. She decided not to go out with me anymore, so that was hard to deal with, because I never got a straight answer as to why she broke up with me. By the time we were in 12th grade, we got over the harsh feelings and we became friends. The last time I talked to her was at a high school reunion I attended with your mom.
Mom:There was the boyfriend I had in 12th grade. I went away to College, and met other individuals, so I broke up with him. I realized that I didn't want to be tied down to one person--it wasn't that I didn't like him, I just didn't want to be tied down.

What kind of things get you the angriest and why?
Dad: Myself making a mistake that I feel I shouldn't have made--I get angry at myself quite often. If I knew it was wrong beforehand, then I get angry at my failure to see that what I was doing was going to lead to a mistake. If I didn't see it, it's not that big of a deal. We all make mistakes.
Mom: Things that aren't fair, for example: in the workplace, or sometimes I get angry when I feel like I can't get a word in edgewise within a conversation. Also, when my views are not being acknowledged.

Who was your best friend in high school and what did they teach you?
Dad: There were two guys I was pretty close to in the neighborhood - Mark and Larry. Larry was crazy, so he taught me not to be crazy like him--he was wild! He was funny, but man, some of the stuff we ended up doing, we were lucky to live through. Mark and his father taught me how to fish... they were into hunting and fishing, so I would go with them and have a good time. We went for years.
Mom: My best friend was a girl named Annie. We would hangout a lot, and part of what she taught me was how to be friends with an individual who came from such a different background than myself.

How would you describe mom/dad the first time you saw her/him?
Dad: I thought she was good lookin', smart, and funny. She was athletic, and enjoyed playing baseball. I was drawn to her and wanted to know her more.
Mom: Handsome! He seemed nice and laidback. He was considerate, interesting, among other things.

Before you got married, did you want a marriage like your parents?
Dad: In some ways, yes, in some ways, no. I wanted a loving, caring, and long-lasting marriage, yes. However, I wanted one with more communication than they had. More yes than no, but I am still grateful for the differences in mom and I's relationship. Different times and circumstances change a lot.
Mom: Yea. My parents had a stable, long-lasting relationship, and they did not fight. They got along well, and it wasn't just that their relationship was stable--our family was stable. We stayed in one house our entire lives, and I envisioned that for my future family.

Were you ever bullied or teased as a child? If so, for what reasons?
Dad: Oh yeah. Probably because I wasn't too athletic. Back then, if you were a boy and weren't athletic, it was pretty much a guarantee that you got picked on.
Mom: My brothers might have teased me some, but I can't remember particularly why. I was the youngest, and I was the girl. People in school never made fun of me.

What traits do you value the most in a woman/man? What traits don't you like?
Dad: Independence, intelligence, honesty, caring, humorous, hard-working. Dishonesty is the worst, along with vanity and shallowness.
Mom: Honesty, calmness, good listener, humorous, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc. Aggressiveness is the worst, along with loud-mouths, egotistical, conceited, and/or self-centered men.

What traits do you hope I find in my future for my own partner? What traits would you disapprove of?
Dad: I hope you find someone that is caring, trustworthy, funny, honest, intelligent. I want you to find what I found. Anybody who is going to be dishonest or not trustworthy, or hurt you, I wouldn't appreciate. Anybody who hurts you physically, or mentally. Somebody who lies to you, etc.
Mom: The same positive traits I mentioned before. Any kind of violent, aggressive behavior is not okay. Dishonest behavior, as well.

How is my personality the same or different from when I was younger?
Dad: You are still very sensitive, still intelligent (highly so), and you're still funny. You used to be more outdoorsy--much less so now to the point that it's noticeable. You would run, play, jump, climb trees, hike, etc. You're still anxious in new situations, although you have improved a lot. You are more willing to take risks to this day than ever before.
Mom: You're much more outgoing, with a lesser need for "attachment" or dependency. You are independent. You are very outspoken, more so than you were back then. Those are the main things.

What is your personal opinion on body art, such as tattoos? Classy or trashy?
Dad: I wouldn't say it's "classy", and a lot of it seems silly, but I wouldn't say "trashy" either. Somewhere in the middle.
Mom: I've seen very little body art that to me is visually appealing. I don't understand why people get body art, for the most part, at least extensively.

Have I lived up to your greatest expectations of me for the age I am now? What were those expectations, in terms of moral code and the way I conduct myself.
Dad: You have met, if not exceeded my expectations, in terms of your moral behavior. I think you're a very honest and sincere person. You don't go out and do drugs and engage in other risk taking behaviors just for the thrill of it. I appreciate that; it saves me a lot of anxiety.
Mom: Yes! My expectations, or more so "hopes", were that you would be a good student, have good friends, be happy with yourself, be looking forward to College and the future, and be independent--the level you are right now without being isolated from your parents. One of the things that exceeded my hopes was your morals and your non-interest in substance use.

In what ways do you think you were different from me at my age? The same?
Dad: We're both kind of shy, I suppose. Both more reserved in some situations. If you're among friends and family, you're very outspoken, and to be able to go to authority, or community meetings and speak out publicly, that's amazing for 16-17--that's the great gift you have that I didn't. I had a paying job, which is, I guess, less popular these days, and a lot of the jobs we had, your generation doesn't. You do a lot of volunteer and community service, and I didn't. I love to read novels, and am not that technologically advanced or interested in what you do, blogging and whatnot. I loved the newspaper, and was very interested in the space program, and the Vietnam war. We are both interested in history. I was into autoshop technology, and was never as fluidly artistic as you. I loved drafting, architectural drawing, and mechanics.
Mom: I didn't interact with my parents very much. I did more group activities with friends and went to parties, while you enjoy calming, solo activities. I was interested in extracurricular activities. We are both good students, do our homework assignments without much nagging, and I think our need for privacy is very similar, even though you do share a lot and interact with me--liking that feeling of independence. You are College-bound, and not naturally athletic--as was I. I did hangout with my boyfriend a lot, and we cooked meals together like you do with yours.

Who was most strict growing up? Mom or dad?
Dad: Probably my dad. I could get away with more stuff talking to my mom.
Mom: My dad.

Did you collect anything when you were younger? What?
Dad: When I was in Cub Scouts, I made a coin collection. My biggest collection was my books, and still is.
Mom: Sort of. I liked stuffed animals, and ceramic horses.

What did you want to be when you were in high school? Did you end up changing your major through college? Where did you come up with these ideas?
Dad: I thought in high school that I'd like to be a high school history teacher, but then I started college, and once I started my sociology course, I liked it better than history. I am now teaching college-level sociology. I guess history is part of sociology--they are cousins, so to speak.
Mom: When I was in high school, I didn't know for sure what I was going to do, or what I even wanted to do, but when I went to College, I was in Natural Resource Management and then it changed to Environmental Science. I am now an environmental scientist/supervisor.

I was a baby born in the small town of Fresno, California, to a beautiful young lady named Melissa. We lived humbly, I assume, with much tender care, as she was a young mother with little direction of where to go next. She realized she could not raise me alone, and my thoughtless father had left us.

Two mature and well educated individuals with unfortunate genetic reproductive complications, were awaiting me in Washington after a long and emotional journey through the adoption system.

This childhood that landed ahead of me held many ups, and many downs. Throughout it all, these two individuals have been the strongest and most powerful forces to keep me going, and I am immensely proud to call them "my parents". I would not have my life any other way, and while my adoption has brought me a tough battle, it has taught me so much more about my deepest desires and callings.

This blog post is a part of the mini-series "Childhood Snippets"

Well, I suppose I should mention my utmost amazing father sometime, right?

My father has been one of my biggest supports throughout the ups and downs of my young life, although, like the typical father/teenage daughter duo, we are not the best at communication 24/7, nor understanding each other.

He has put an effort into taking immense interest in my life and hobbies, protective and kind, without being strict or over-ruling. While he cracks a lot of jokes, I would never once call these jokes "lame" or feel embarrassed to be around him.

We enjoy daddy and daughter days with trips to museums, discussing politics or current world issues, going out to eat, and watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on weeknights.

Although I will marry one day, grow into my womanhood, and he will give me away, walking me down the aisle, my papa was the very first man to have my heart. The memories we have created will always stay with the young part of me, even when it is my turn to take care of him.


This blog post is a part of the mini-series "Childhood Snippets"

No, this is not a sex post, reader! (C'mon, I had to poke a little fun at the majority that would see this title racy or awkward).

Tonight I spent my hours out of the house. My first *real* night out of the house: driving around with friends, having a great time--staying out 'til around 11 o'clock, maybe even midnight.

I was celebrating my friend Doug's birthday with his wife Michele and my partner Mark, who is also a close friend of theirs (he in fact introduced me to them!).

The four of us went out to the pizzeria for dinner, played some games and chit-chatted. Then, it was off to Baskin Robbins for some dessert. Our conversations became a little "too full of sexual innuendos" for the small children who were toddling around picking out their gummy bears and flavors (I'll admit though: I had gummy bears on my ice cream), so we decided to pack up and drive to Borders.

Once Borders closed, we tried Starbucks, but were out of luck. So, we ran to the grocery store, grabbed some energy drinks, and sat around. I feel it is appropriate to mention the "kids" were hyper as heck. We finished off the night out in the parking lot, chilling out by Doug's sweet-lookin' Cadillac, and cracked jokes in the freezing cold.

So, I must say: it is possible to have clean and safe teenage fun with your friends--minus drugs, minus sex, and minus trouble!

Some of my favorites:

1). Coffee shops and bookstores.

2). Picnics in the park.

3). Ice skating rink.

4). Shopping (literal, or window).

5). Pizzeria.

6). Cooking up a storm in the kitchen.

7). Movie date.

This Christmas was a bundle of joy, hilarity, and giving. This being my first independent Christmas, I used my given money to buy my family and friends gifts, and boy was that super fun! I love the spirits involved with shopping for others and being productive.

Pictured above is my family's beautiful tree and our plethora of gifts. I guess splurging on others' gifts this year payed off big time.

The gift out pour I received was intense. I got some PJs, a t-shirt with logo of my favorite pizzeria, snuggie, cute booties, and warm socks. I also got a few ".. for Dummies" books (thanks, mom and dad), a new webcam and phone cover, make-up items, clutch wallets, the Stars On Ice 25th anniversary DVD collection, deluxe photo frame, a root beer sampler, special ring, Starbucks' VIA instant packs, espresso/cappuccino maker with all the trimmings, and Starbucks and Macy's gift cards... not forgetting the navigation system, fog remover, and flat tire spray for the new, clueless driver in me!

This year, my gifts stirred up one thought in my head: my family and friends know me incredibly well! I finally realize: I do not have to worry. They may not be perfect at knowing everything, but for the most part, they know who I am. At my high school graduation, they will know what to pride me on. When I enter College, they will send me off with a year's supply of Starbucks coffee. When I succeed in my career, they will bring me a Martinelli's cider bottle as a congratulatory gift. When I get married, they will know the sentimental value behind the event. When I give birth, they will know to select a medicated procedure. And, when I pass away, they will accurately know what I gave to the world, the truth of my spirit and heart, and most importantly... what to say in my eulogy. Aside from all humor, that reassurance is the best gift of all.

This is my grandmother Ellee. My mom's mom. I'm the most like her out of all of my family members. Loud, funny, creative, organized, and strong.

Last month, I got to visit her up in Oregon. Visiting my gorgeous grandmother at 89 years old was a big treat for me. I usually get to see her at least three to four times every year, so it is nothing abnormal, but I consider myself blessed to have visited her this month. As you may have heard, she was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, and at 89, does not want to fight it.

While my grandma was not very engaged in any conversation this time around, she would occasionally ask me about my love-life, education and friends. You know, the 4-1-1! My grandmother shares the most common traits to myself out of my entire family. We are both artsy, talkative, friendly individuals who accomplished their individual mission and zest at young ages.

We bond over many things and I can talk to her about anything. When I was a little girl, she used to let me scurry into her room and jump into her bed on Sunday mornings. She'd cuddle me and tell me stories about her childhood and the boys she liked and how her teachers were back in the day. I loved her soft Scottish accent! Those stories I will take with me, plus the wisdom of her beliefs for the years to come. She supports me in everything I do and has always wanted the best for me. I love her with all my heart, and will always hold the memories of my dear babushka.