This week was the hardest week of my life in quite a while. I decided to put things to rest with my boyfriend of five months. Him and I had met in elementary school, known each other for 11 years, three of those spent disconnected. One day we decided to re-connect via Facebook (typical new-age story, right?). It was bliss. Pure bliss. Vacations together, laughter, real feelings.
Sadly, many conflicts arose that were too hard to conquer alone: being blamed/put down by surrounding people, dishonesty and lies, disloyalty, etc. I gave everything to this guy. My heart, my soul, my mind, my body. And for what? A lousy ring and an insincere “I’m sorry”, perhaps even a physical illness. I feel bad for myself. I feel very, very bad for myself.
In some ways I blame myself for letting my soul get so sucked in to the whole imaginary, picturesque ideal of being in a head-over-heels relationship with an intelligent, loving boy who would always protect my heart. I guess this city just is not the place to find a genuine, warm prince charming.
I am packing up my heart’s little pieces in this wooden box of memories. Maybe one day I will reach in and rejoice upon the good times of the boy whom I love(d) so very, very much.
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