"The One-Up Syndrome"

Everyone always says how the holiday season is stressful because of family drama, but I do not get a lot of that around here and quite often do not know what they are talking about. I love the holidays and I love my family!

However, what I do get is judgmental adults and family friends who do not have a CLUE who I am or what I stand for! While it is highly amusing, it can become very overwhelming and less hilarious as time goes by.

Hypocritically, I unfortunately notice myself feeling guilty for making a slight condescending remark to kids at my old elementary school (I currently have a weekly volunteer position at the school's library), and do my best to keep my mouth shut when possible.

Here are the two theories I have come up with for discussion in this particular blog post--both are completely valid, confirmed by adults themselves, and occur on a regular basis.

1). Adults (especially without their own children) have a very vague idea to what kids and teenagers know and engage in at particular ages these days, and adults without a good model for referencing knowledge between the generations do not know how (or are much less inclined) to communicate properly with individuals much younger than themselves.

2). Adults see how much wiser and intellectual the kids or teenagers are compared to themselves at that age, feel jealous and/or insecure, and try to "one-up" them.

I have talked with numerous, inspiring adults about this pressing issue, and witnessed numerous adults making harsh, condescending comments to myself and others. Even some of the most intelligent adults I have met do not know how or do not feel comfortable socializing with younger generations.

While getting ready to relaunch my website again, I was sorting through some of my ancient blog posts and found one from December of 2009.

Here is an excerpt:

Connecting with older family friends is always troublesome, you know what I mean? You have your tiny feud every now and then over such condescending remarks, but somehow, I always love it. I always fall back in the same happy state I always found myself in the year before. I will always hold my family friends' relationships close to my heart and look back upon them for years into adulthood! The comments such as "don't _____, yet" when you've already been there, done that are so great, that I always get a chuckle out of some hilarity as well!

So, perhaps the certain family friend I am mentioning a year ago did eventually push me over the edge into a breakdown when they kept continuing their remarks well into my teen years, but they taught me a lot, and for that, I thank them greatly.

Ever since I was 7 years old, I was condescended. Never abnormally by my parents, nor my amazing family. By peers' parents, family friends, Internet encounters, etc. First off, I had a childhood friend whose mom took me seriously at age 7 when I said a childish remark of: "Your mom is the worst mom ever!", and actually confronted me at our elementary school. Seriously? What 7 year old is going to know the difference of what a good or bad mom is? And even if a 7 year old had a valid reason, what gives a 40-some year old the right to confront them over it? If you want to take it to the analytical level, friend's mom, I probably said it because you were hurting my feelings, and as a child, did not know how else to put them into words. Again, when I was 11, I made another friend whose mom would say blunt insults in my face.

Throughout all my experiences of one-upping in my 9 years of being a target, through the times when adults would make remarks such as, "Oh! You're wearing a bra now!?" Or: "You wouldn't know ____, you will when you grow up.", I have learned one very solid thing about myself and my mission: I will do what ever I can to make sure my children never go through what I, and many of my friends had to endure.

Now, I know this is not the topic of world hunger or fatal disease, but I enter this topic with a sensitive spirit, and vulnerable outlook, with the voice many young kids do not have at this moment. I encourage you all to look and think before you speak to youth; it will make all the difference. For those who do not know how to communicate with youth: we would like to be treated as an equal. That simple!