Sometimes I wonder, if I hadn’t been adopted, and I was still with my birth mother: who would I be? Would I have met the people I have met? Just a few? Or none? Would I be happy? Sad? Confused? Would I be blessed with self-knowledge or create emotional harm to those around me in a cry for attention?
Whatever I would have been, I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be UnstoppableKatya, as cheesy as it may seem.
What if I had made love to my first love? What if I had bared a child young, like my birth mother? What if I had my first kiss at age 17? What if I hadn’t met the one I so deeply find solace in? What if I had given up everything and moved in with the first boy to have captured my heart? What if I had fell in love with the boy I shared my first intimacy with? What if I was in love with a woman?
Because of my first loves and because of my emotional and physical intimacy with those I have felt it with, I am me. This is the reason I am me. When I think about these big things, I feel as if my spirit is filling with gratitude, bittersweet thanks to the soul that brought me to my life’s experiences.
I look around me on a daily basis and see those less fortunate than myself. While I am talking about the homeless, hungry on the streets, I am also talking about the young women everywhere that look at their bodies and hearts in disgust, wishing they were someone different… somewhere different. And the young men as well, who think if they’re geeky or smart the cheerleader won’t want to date them (who don’t seem to realize the cheerleader probably isn’t worth dating if they won’t recognize them). Or the teen going through prejudice because they are black or fat or gay, that they turn to drugs or self harm to heal their pain, turning into a downward spiral until they fall. Hard.
I look at the individuals who are so quick to judge, they pass their acquaintances by because of their own envy, greed and unresolved emotional states. The individuals who think it is O.K. to belittle others’ opinions because they don’t agree. They need just as much tender love as those listed in the above paragraph. They were scarred by whatever life chose to spitball at them, however tragic or pathetic that may be. Those who live on this earth deserve love and understanding.
We all judge, but we shouldn’t desert. We should help, heal and guide to a better generation, one not full of superficiality, but of hope for a bright future for our children and grandchildren.
There’s a quote within the song “Earth Song” by Michael Jackson that I absolutely love that I want to include in this post to remind all of you to thank God or whoever you worship for the life you’ve been given and look for the ways you are more fortunate than a certain group, seeking out ways to fill in the holes of lacking compassion that you see around your community:
What about yesterday? What about the seas? Heavens are falling down, I can’t even breathe! What about the bleeding Earth? Can’t we feel its wounds? What about nature’s worth? It’s our planet’s womb! What about animals? We’ve turned kingdoms to dust. What about elephants? Have we lost their trust!? What about crying whales? We’re ravaging their seas! What about forest trails? Burnt despite our pleas! What about the holy land? Torn apart by creed. What about the common man? Can we set him free? What about children dying? Can’t you hear them cry? Where did we go wrong!? Someone tell me why! (What about us!?) What about babies? What about the days? What about all their joy? What about the man? What about the crying man? What about Abraham? What about death again? Do we give a damn!?”
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