A Few Bugs

Towards summertime, I notice a shift in common 'tude; a different facade for many individuals. What's up with this buzz about people being "perfect"? I'm surely not! I am nearly positive you are sitting there with a smug grin on your face, reader, contemplating the depths of what's about to become my most embarrassing blog post ever.

In the society I live in, in order not to be conceived as thinking you are perfect, you have to express how imperfect you are. When I hear or discover others' imperfections, I start to feel better about how sane I myself can come across, and I am sure you experience the same, at least a majority of the time...

I am a flip-flopper. I typically stay on one designated path, but change my mind about the minuscule details encountered along the journey. "Should I buy this top? If I saved up, I could buy that wallet that I truly need to function day-to-day, and I already have like sooo many tops. But then again, if I don't, I could miss out on a top this cute.", or: "Should I buy this type of cheese? What if it's too spicy, and then I just spent like $4 on slices of cheese that are too spicy, but if I buy the other cheese that's just plain, I'll want to buy even more cheese! Either way, cheese is bad for me... but I really want cheese!" So, I admit: maybe some of this is the GAD talking, but my what-if mindset affects my family, partner, and self immensely.

I have my insecurities. While some are far too personal to discuss within a public blog, they are present. Perhaps I don't have burning self-esteem issues, but I'm still shaky around heights, and squeamish around spiders. Afraid of ending up alone, and screwing up my future child's life. While many of my irrational fears are just that - irrational, I have a lot that worries me and tugs at the heart strings.

I am a perfectionist type of person, one adjusted to routine and organization around the house. When I get out from taking a shower, I have to shake off the towel before I dry myself off. "For what purpose?", you ask. The answer? I have no freakin' clue! It's developed as one of those little, quirky habits that I have to conform to before the day starts off right. I also get pretty bad test anxiety and forget all of the information I have taken in over the months when I am faced with the possibility of getting it wrong (when we all know, I'm gonna get it wrong).

When I really, really, reaaalllyy want something: I whine. I use a persuasive, childish little voice to try and make my mommy think I'm cute, but we all know that's just annoying and probably isn't getting me anywhere. I have a hot temper, and become irritably "loud" quite quickly. Also annoying. I am TERRIBLE with directions! I barely learned any Geography in school, and it shows. Unless I know the route to the place I am going, or landmarks around it, I cannot make out a street address for the life of me.

I am somewhat materialistic, and certainly can't live without money. I calculated how many hours I would have to work on minimum wage as a College student in order to pay utilities and rent, while getting the extra, leisure "fixes" I would like to have per week, and it came out to around 4 hours per day, including weekends. Along with my relationship with money comes a little bit of spoiling from my family. I am certainly not a "spoiled brat", but growing up I did get what I wanted a majority of the time (props to being an only child, too).

I have high expectations of others. I will automatically accept you no matter what, and be your friendly acquaintance (what you do on your own time is your business), but if you're going to be a close friend of mine, I typically don't associate with druggies or "lowlifes", which is a good chunk of the teenage scene where I reside. When beginning a relationship, I'm not too picky, and expect full honesty/trust as a given. If you make a mistake, I'm quick to forgive, but never forget. We are all humans, but when people start to make excuses for compulsive mistake-making, I get a little ticked-off.

Did'ya like that rant? I thought so. Jot down a few of the things that make you specially YOU, imperfect, or perfect in themselves, and try to turn them into humorous facts or learn how to associate them with positive traits. Sure, I do want a lot of things in life, both material-wise and emotionally, and I am quirky and sometimes misunderstood, but it shows that I truly am living. I care enough about my life to ask for things, and not live in the dark in which every day I am expecting a surprise from people. I am not searching high and low for what I want - I know what I want. I push myself to the tallest heights and don't give up until somehow, someday I will ace the test.